My dad said I had to be 16 to date...

"Joanne, why do you have to be so nasty?"

"It's not called gym-nice-tics."

Stick It is a fabulous movie, cinema snobs be damned. It fostered my love for Nastia Liukin and helped me prepare for the sheer delight that is the Women's Gymnastics at the Beijing Olympic Games. And while I'm not a gymnast per say (texting while walking and drinking a coffee can become a beam routine gone bad very quickly) I realize that it's not called gym-nice-tics for a reason. You're there to win, not to make friends. Period.

The Chinese are there to win, too. And really, who is going to let a few insignificant details like age requirements and government records stand in between them and the wonder of hearing "March of the Volunteers" from the highest podium in Olympic Stadium? 

When I settled in with my kettle corn and sangria to watch the team competition, I was a little startled by the size of a few of the girls on the Chinese team. I mean, I'm way older than most of the gymnasts at the Olympics -- except for Oksana Chusovitina, who is, quite frankly, an awesome role model and amazing gymnast, but a freak of nature -- but some of those girls looked positively infantile. I swear to God, I saw one missing a baby tooth, and could definitely see the rumple lines of the tissue that a few of them used to stuff their built-in bras (who wasn't eleven and underdeveloped once upon a time?). I thought to myself, "NO WAY are these girls 16."

Turns out, I was right.

The Associated Press felt the same way I did about the baby tooth missing, bra stuffing tweens that were being passed off as 16 year old Olympians, and after doing some digging around they discovered official documents showing that at least two of the gymnasts are on record as being under the age of 15 less than 9 months ago (I hate to give The Huffington Post any sort of shout out, but here's the proof), which makes them ineligible for the Olympics. The official age requirement was changed in 1997 for the Sydney Olympics from 14 years old to 16 years old, meaning that any gymnast wishing to compete in the Olympics must be 16 or older by the end of the year of the games.

When confronted with this particular bit of information, the international powers that be released a statement saying that the passports presented by the Chinese gymnasts all indicated that the age requirements were met; no other form of verification is necessary.

Right. So for the commies in charge who mandate political control of the court system, implement a one-child policy that contributes to gender-specific abortions and forced sterilization, and who want to make sure you're not secretly praying to Jesus, falsifying a passport is just stepping over the line. This is the same country that, in the same Olympics, made an "ugly" child sing from backstage so that a cuter child could take the credit and make the nation look more appealing.

It's not like this is the first time, either. After the 2000 Olympics, the Chinese gymnast who won the bronze medal in the uneven bars individual event acknowledged that she was actually only 14 at the time of the Olympics, and that she and her coaches had lied about her age so that she would qualify. Her passport showed her age to be 16...wonder who fixed that up for her?

It really shouldn't surprise us that this is what the Communist government of China is stooping to. Their way of life and governmental systems are collapsing around them, and the best way to soldier on is to make sure that we -- the outsiders watching the proceedings on our flat screens from the safety of our homes in our capitalistic society -- are intimidated by their might and impressed by their show. 

An interesting thought to close: In 1936 the Olympics were held in Berlin. 9 years later (in 1945) Nazi Germany surrendered WWII and ended the Holocaust. In 1980 the Olympics were held in Moscow; the Soviet Union began to actively disintegrate in 1989, 9 years after the end of the summer games. Where will China be 9 years from now?

xoxo